Everybody had a Wet Dream, Everybody had a Good Time

Well, as always I'm never that good at keeping up with the updating. But today I am sick with bronchitis and not a lot to do, so it seems like a good time to say hello to all of you (who probably barely remember me at this point!) before I fall asleep in a pathetic, phlegmy heap.

So, the last I posted here, I was wibbling hardcore about the realisation that I did not, in fact, want to do a PhD, and what that means for my whole life as I had planned it. Y'all were so helpful and supportive, so thank you for that &hearts &hearts So I decided to really think about what I want to do with myself, what I like and what I love, did some research...


( And here I am in Toronto. )

Title: Reddo Lacunum
Pairings: Oliver Wood/Salazar Slytherin, Oliver Wood/Marcus Flint, mentions of Salazar Slytherin/Godric Gryffindor, and past Oliver/Percy
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: dirty talk, mentions of light bondage
Word Count: ~4145
Summary: Oliver Wood leaves Marcus Flint a sharply worded note, only it isn't Marcus who answers him
Author's Notes: Written for violet_quill's Slash Superchallenge! I just couldn't make the Arthur/Scrimgeour that I was originally working on get to smut because Arthur insisted on being faithful to his wife, so I switched over to this rather unlikely pairing instead. Thank you to thescarletwoman for the beta!

( You really are the most imbecilic scoundrel, a blackguard amongst the innocents, and thick in the head. )

The fic dump is officially over-- thanks for all of your patience during the transfer over from LJ!

Title: Willful Misunderstanding
Pairing: Snape/Lupin
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: DH spoilers, angst
Word Count: 7030
Summary: In his sixth year, Snape is nearly attacked by a werewolf in the Forbidden Forest. Miraculously, the werewolf disappears and onto the scene comes Remus Lupin-- and Snape assumes that Remus scared the werewolf away and saved his life
Author's Notes: The thing is, I've been writer's-blocked since before DH came out, so to try to get myself writing again, I'm going back into the vaults and fixing/finishing/DH-compatiblizing abandoned fics like this one. Thank you to thescarletwoman for the beta and encouragement!
First posted: January 29th, 2008

( Marvelous, Black, stringing two whole syllables together. Or rather, repeating the same one twice. It must be ever so taxing. )

Title: Persistence of Memory
Author: rose_whispers
Rating: PG
Warnings: DH-spoilerful
Summary: In the life that should have been the perfect fulfillment of her dream to live in Australia, Monica Wilkins struggles to understand why she feels so empty. In the past, Susan Granger sees a whole new world just waiting for her daughter to claim.
A/N: Originally written for the 2007 femgenficathon, based on this prompt:
I want to be a free rover on the breezy common of the universe. -- Harriet Martineau.
Thanks so much to thescarletwoman who hand-held me through a very long bout of writer's block and beta'd this at the very last minute for me-- any remaining mistakes are mine.
First posted: September 30th, 2007

( Persistence of Memory )

Title: Is that a Decoy Detonator in Your Pocket, or are You Happy to See Me? (2/2)
Pairing: George Weasley/Severus Snape
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: DH SPOILERS, rimming, dub-con depending on how you read it
Word Count: ~18,000
Summary: George Weasley is struggling to find his place in a new, post-war world. The injured, reticent refugee he discovers in the Forbidden Forest isn't part of his plans.
Author's Notes: This was written for lilyeyes at the 2007 hp_summersmut exchange (originally posted here). It was originally meant to be a fairly frivolous and PWP-ish Harry/George/Fred fic that just wouldn't work for me after I read DH (though I might go back to it some day). Instead, this fic came out of nowhere and helped me break a two-month writer's block from hell. Thank you to my ever-vigilant beta, thescarletwoman, who prevents me from adding kitchens to scenes where no kitchen has any right to be.
Originally posted: September 21st, 2007

part one may be found here

( You drove the entire staff mad, Weasley, but you did not pretend to be anything but yourselves. )

Title: Is that a Decoy Detonator in Your Pocket, or are You Happy to See Me? (1/2)
Pairing: George Weasley/Severus Snape
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: DH SPOILERS, rimming, dub-con depending on how you read it
Word Count: ~18,000
Summary: George Weasley is struggling to find his place in a new, post-war world. The injured, reticent refugee he discovers in the Forbidden Forest isn't part of his plans.
Author's Notes: This was written for lilyeyes at the 2007 hp_summersmut exchange (originally posted here). It was originally meant to be a fairly frivolous and PWP-ish Harry/George/Fred fic that just wouldn't work for me after I read DH (though I might go back to it some day). Instead, this fic came out of nowhere and helped me break a two-month writer's block from hell. Thank you to my ever-vigilant beta, thescarletwoman, who prevents me from adding kitchens to scenes where no kitchen has any right to be.
Originally posted: September 21st, 2007

( You hide from house elves? My goodness, Snape, what an interesting phobia. Are you afraid of clowns too? )

Onward to part 2!

Title: Bigger Broomsticks, Crunchier Kale, and One-Eyed Trouser Snakes
Author: rose_whispers
Requestor: ladytonks
Claim: "Voldemort goes through a mid-life crisis and gets a racing broom and tries on toupees. Bonus Points if you have Lucius try and talk him out of it."
Rating: PG-13 for violence and naughty words
Summary: There's more than one way to topple a dark lord...
Warnings (if applicable): None
Notes: 4353 words. Thank you to thescarletwoman and cocohufflepuffs for the brilliant (as always!) beta jobs, and to my gentleman caller, who was surprisingly eager both to read this fic and to make some very funny observations
First posted: June 18, 2007

( They use a strange sort of magic called 'spray tanning', which leaves one's dignity in tatters )

Title: Sketchbook
Pairing: Dean/Hermione (unrequited), Ron/Hermione
Rating: R
Word Count: 2773
Summary: The artist captures moments for himself that weren't meant to be shared
A/N: For the April Voyeurism Challenge at erotic_elves. Many, many thanks to my beautiful betas, cocohufflepuffs and thescarletwoman
First posted: April 29, 2007

( Some artists do bowls of fruit or poncy sunsets. Dean draws people. )

Title: Making Progress (2/2)
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Hermione/Luna
Word Count: 12,008 total (5989 this part)
Summary: Hermione begins treatment of a patient who is scarred in more ways than one and finds herself thrown completely off balance
Author's Notes: Written for stephanometra in the sexy_brilliance fic exchange. Thanks to thescarletwoman and cocohufflepuffs for betaing!
First posted: October 31st, 2006

( Are you completely without tact? )

Title: Making Progress (1/2)
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Hermione/Luna
Word Count: 12,008 total (6019 this part)
Summary: Hermione begins treatment of a patient who is scarred in more ways than one and finds herself thrown completely off balance
Author's Notes: Written for stephanometra in the sexy_brilliance fic exchange. Thanks to thescarletwoman and cocohufflepuffs for betaing!
First posted: October 31, 2006

( We can get you new onions, if you'd like )

Onward to part 2

All right, Kevin Smith. I'm just waiting for your phone call now.

Also, there's just a weeee bit more fic dumpage to come, and then I'll stop spammg your flists incessantly. Thanks for your patience, everyone :D

Title: Rhythm and Vocals
Pairing: Fred/Hermione
Word Count: 3093
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Hermione is irritated by an Incident and Fred sets out to make the situation better in typical Weasley fashion
A/N: Written for summer_flinging, this is a bit of silly summery smut. 'Cause what says summer more than hammock sex?
First posted: October 23, 2006

( The most unbelievably innocent smile bloomed on Fred's face. )

Title: Patchwork
Author: rose_whispers
Rating: PG
Word count: 5009
Summary: Harry Potter isn't a weapon. He is a quilt.
A/N: Thank you with big fawning smooches to thescarletwoman for the fantastic beta and who, along with inell and cocohufflepuffs, put up with my wibbling about writer's block. This fic was written for the 2006 femgenficathon, and can also be found posted here. It is based on this prompt:
We don't accomplish anything in this world alone ... and whatever happens is the result of the whole tapestry of one's life and all the weavings of individual threads from one to another that creates something.--Sandra Day O'Connor.
First posted: September 8, 2006


( She wonders if anyone has caught on yet that she doesn't know what she's doing. )

Title: Champagne Birthday
Fandom: Queen
Pairing: Freddie/Brian
Rating: R for suggestive actions with a champagne bottle
Word count: 969
Summary: Brian thinks Freddie deserves a proper champagne birthday
A/N: In honour of Freddie's 60th birthday! Wherever you are, darling, I hope you're having a hell of a day!
First posted: September 5, 2006

( You're babbling, but keep doing that thing with the bottle )

Title: Going Down
Pairing: Harry/Percy, mentions of past Harry/Charlie and Percy/Cedric
Word count: 4737
Summary: After tensions build at the office, Percy and Harry find a way to deal with it in close quarters
Warnings: rimming
A/N: Written for the lovely emiine for the fic exchange hp_summersmut. Thank you as always to my brilliant beta. thescarletwoman, I adore you for the beta and for holding my hand while I wibbled!
First posted: September 4, 2006

( You blow half the bloody department to bits and he grins at you! )

Title: Indiana Jones and the Impossible Pyramid
Author: rose_whispers
Pairing: Bill Weasley/Indiana Jones crossover
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 10,082
Summary: Sparks fly when Indiana Jones receives a surprising visitor and finds himself in Egypt in a pyramid that shouldn't exist, facing creatures of legend.
A/N: For the crossover_hp ficathon. Thanks as always to thescarletwoman and jateshi for their readthroughs and help! And thank you to the good people at the Multi-Faceted Awards for nominating this fic in the Crossover category, and the Quills to Parchment Awards for nominating this fic in the Slash, Crossover, One-Shot, and Time Travel categories.
First posted: June 15, 2006

( I cannot believe I agreed to this )

Title: Cygnus atratus (part 2 of 2)
Author: rose_whispers
Pairing: Severus/Remus
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 13,008
Summary: After the war, Remus' jealousy is sparked when a dark, mysterious stranger attaches herself to Severus
A/N: A gift fic for dark_cygnet for being my online motivator and cracking the whip whenever I was procrastinating on school work. Thanks so much, hon! And huge thank you to my ever watchful and brilliant betas, thescarletwoman and elspethsheir
First posted: May 29, 2006

( Part two of two )

Title: Cygnus atratus (part 1 of 2)
Author: rose_whispers
Pairing: Severus/Remus
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 13,008
Summary: After the war, Remus' jealousy is sparked when a dark, mysterious stranger attaches herself to Severus
A/N: A gift fic for dark_cygnet for being my online motivator and cracking the whip whenever I was procrastinating on school work. Thanks so much, hon! And huge thank you to my ever watchful and brilliant betas, thescarletwoman and elspethsheir
First posted: May 29, 2006

( The swan arrived just after Halloween. )

Title: Curvature
Author: rose_whispers
Pairing: Hermione/Madam Rosmerta
Rating: R
Word count: 4130
Summary: Rosmerta needs to stop feeling guilt and pain. Hermione just needs to start feeling.
Warnings: h/c, first time.
Author's notes: Written for the hp_girlslash Spring Seduction challenge. Immediately following HBP.
First posted: April 20, 2006

( For once in her seventeen years of life, Hermione Granger thought she truly understood the sentiment behind the phrase 'I need a drink'. )

Title: Perthro
Author: rose_whispers
Pairing: Hermione/Barty Crouch, Jr.
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 6346
Summary: When Hermione Granger signs on to help strengthen Azkaban's defenses, she has no idea what awaits in the Wing of Lost Souls
Warnings: light magical bondage
Author's notes: This is non-AU Adult!Hermione/Barty, written for freetheelves2 for the hp_clover ficathon. Big thanks to thescarletwoman and inell for the super-fast readthroughs!
First posted: April 5, 2006

( She is the one who thinks everything through, but somehow when she was considering this position, she hadn't spared a thought to the inmates )